Mothers Day The Cosmic Mother

The topic for this morning's talk, though we didn't know.

We have a very sweet tradition, I think it's sweet, gathering the consciousness of our nation together to celebrate something which really, as my beautiful and very brilliant Fr. Reverend Jacob Fuss said to me something that he celebrates every day I think that it's a lovely tradition to have a special day of the year we have cycles where at least we can take and gather as many consciousnesses in the land together as are moved to be gathered to celebrate an idea, to celebrate a principle, to celebrate something that is deep and poignant and holds emotional content in the soul of every single human being. Because whether we are male or female, whether we are young or old, no matter what we are or are not, the one thing is for sure, we were all born out of the door, the womb of the mother.

Whether on the physical plane we honor her for this, or whether on the physical plane we have had times where we have actually cursed her for this, or at least felt like it.

Whether we have looked upon this as a mystery and miracle, or whether we have wept and cried out why was I born and why did you give birth to me. We have blamed whatever individual it has been for who was this door through which we brought this vehicle into the land to experience what we experience. The point is every single one of us from an infinitesimal seed planted by the Father, gathered out of the nowhere, really. I know our scientists call it the somewhere, but if you'll analyze it, it's being gathered out of the nowhere. A single little seed takes and starts to multiply itself, multiply and multiply itself, until until finally we have the mystery, the miracle, the birth of the little creature, whether it be a human creature or any creature. We all have grown in the amniotic fluid in a very extraordinarily safe container.

The fluid, remember, amongst other things, softening the blows that might come, the harshness, floating, experiencing, all sorts of extraordinary things while our soul has been gathering and and multiplying portions of the essence of divine light to weave itself a body.

Why would you want to call it anything else but the divine light? After all, we are, as I've pointed out often, composed of what our scientists call atoms.

And if you want to try to break that down into something or other, why don't you try? You always come to the occult limitless light, to the energy, to this extraordinary mystery.

So we gathered unto ourselves, or there was gathered unto us via some extraordinary miracle, some mystery, a mystery indeed that no one can explain. All a scientist does is give a description of how things are happening from the limited point of view of the senses with its limited extension of a few instruments, extension of the senses that's all a scientist can ever tell us about this mystery and people make the mistake of thinking because a description of a process is given that actually we have been given an understanding of what's actually happened, but we haven't.

Now I can describe from now till doomsday the shape of anything.

Is it going to tell us what the meaning of this shape is? Aren't we going to have to study its activity and even then be able to intuit only part of this extraordinary something that built the shape, this consciousness, would or could any type of instrument, any calculator, could it build itself, or does it take a consciousness to gather together the various materials, fit them together, in order for them to be built? A consciousness, mind you, has to be behind any form.

But still we look upon a miracle, we look upon a mystery.

Now in the Qabalah, of course, we have an aspect of this that I feel has, except perhaps in this temple, I feel it has not been given enough importance importance in any of the usual or western fields of thought.

And this is the idea that has to do with gender.

It is the basic teaching that includes within itself an attempt to help our consciousness understand the meaning behind creation in terms of cosmic father, cosmic mother.

And also, along with this, to help us not only try to touch, try to get some kind of inspiration in regard to this meaning, but to learn how to live this meaning, to learn how to recognize it in the things that we scarcely are able to see.

So that all of us, basically, as we've pointed out, whether we are male or female, we have all come through this door, through this womb of life.

We fall into the trap of attempting to judge, interpret everything from the outer experience from the limited senses and we do not stop to meditate enough on the wonder and the mystery of what has taken place or the meaning behind behind this miracle and this mystery.

What is mother?

What is it? Some of us will say, my mother, oh God, she drives me crazy. And believe me, mine, none of it drove me crazy, she was crazy herself.

The physical plane mother, or that, which we can consider that, the physical playing mother so if we have thought that or even experienced that aspect the next question we could or should ask ourselves as well even though this is an aspect I may have experienced is this the only aspect she contains what about the hidden as well as what appears to be unhidden attributes attributes, that her very beingness portrays.

And of course we have the same idea that would deal with the father, and therefore we have to go to the inner aspect of it, the cosmic father, but I'm going to talk about the mother today. It's my prerogative. Besides, it's our day.

So we will we will show the throne of the glory of the king of life the father at the time when our nation says let us celebrate him of course I celebrate him every day but nevertheless today I said I insist on glorifying the feminine aspect of God and we will glorify the other which is glorious indeed in due time since we're born in time and space and this is one of the miracles time and space is that we can take portions which are not real in the inner realities and attempt to examine and experience portions of the Most High in very special ways now then Then, Kabbalistically speaking, of course, the cosmic feminine principle is the cosmic mother and, Kabbalistically speaking, every single female, every she-creature, not just human female, mind you, but every she-creature, everything, even the flower, there are female female flowers, you know. Some flowers have the attributes of both, but they still, you each have the, there's this principle of the female aspect. But every she should really have a capital S in front of it, because every she that we see or experience in the outer form according to Qabalah is a very particularized expression a very extraordinary unique particularized expression of that part of deity of God which is the cosmic feminine aspect of the most high and of course the reverse is true of the masculine principle as we know now then in terms In terms of the cosmic mother, though, and also, therefore, to help us try to form a more proper response to whatever our idea of mother is on this physical plane, I think that if we will try to meditate more, oh very much more, on the mystery of God's motherhood, we are going to find ourselves so much more in a state of cosmic love and glory that words cannot describe it.

You see, most of us, because of culture and so on, have fallen into the habit of thinking of God as he and speaking of God as he, and we all do this. We do this. And the result is that most of us have lacking inside our consciousness the realizations or the recognitions that a more conscious recognition of that portion of God, which is the feminine side of God, would bring to us. You've all heard of course at least most of you have heard the story of the suffragette and I maybe shouldn't confess so regularly but I do regularly confess to having been a suffragette in my previous incarnation so this is one of the reasons I rather delight in this particular story but as I said don't worry I'm planning to free men from their slavery, I mean I don't play favorites but in this particularly delightful story a suffragette was thrown into jail, being in a town where they simply didn't go for this kind of propaganda and in jail she found this very lovely young thing weeping and weeping and weeping for having having been thrown into jail, and this weeping of this young girl finally got on the nerves of the suffragette.

And she said, oh, for heaven's sakes, there, there, child, stop. Why don't you just stop that? Go ahead, pray to God. You go pray to God. Now she will help you.

And, of course, this is thinking of God. Now we always love to chuckle because we're so used to the idea, pray to God, he will help you.

And yet, do you know, the truth of the matter is, if we read the Bible correctly, if it was correctly translated for us from Genesis, what we would read is, basically, that Yod-Heh-Vah-Heh Elohim said, said, let us make, well they do mention that, man in our image, but male and female created she them, it would say. Do you know that? Does that shock you? Well, after all, weren't you born out of the womb of a female? Wasn't your mother a her? And therefore the actual birth process, would it not have to have been, say the creation, would it not have to come out from the female aspect of God although of course now unless you get too excited remember it also yod-heh-vah-heh Elohim also means the divine father in union with the Divine Mother but it is this combination of names that actually is given to Bina understanding on the Qabalistic Tree of life here because when the divine father shown by wisdom implants the livingness into the dark sterile mother because until the divine father decides to give the seed of course the mother is called the dark sterile mother and she's something to be very much feared according to all the usual thinkings not until she becomes fertile or starts to bear from the seed of the father the livingness within her to grow not until then does she become this brilliant sacred this holy of holies not until then is she in movement because the feminine principle is said to be like a torpid type of a thing, which it is, until the life or livingness of the masculine principle sets it in motion.

Now, this torpid condition, then, is like a state of non-being. In a sense, you might call it, well the hell of hells no wonder that she's feared because if you just look into your own life and think for a moment we've all been through all kinds of hells we've been through fire and flame in our souls and in our spirits but when you analyze it wouldn't you say the biggest hell is when you've been like the living dead, unable to feel, unable to even suffer, unable to desire, when you've been a stagnant pool. And haven't we all had some such cycle?

Stagnant pool. Is there anything more terrible? There really isn't. It is boredom and worse than and boredom because it's stagnant. And you know what happens to a stagnant pool.

So when we think of this particular principle in its larger sense, we can see that the entire driving movement of life, of course, can never exclude the masculine principle, nor should we ever attempt to try to exclude it. And too many of us have a way of attempting this at times. Those of us who represent on the physical plane the feminine principle, for example, sometimes make attempts to exclude this masculine principle, especially if we're in a state of rebellion.

So that the actual capacity to be this brilliant, sacred essence in motion to move and therefore express the sacredness of God involves in actuality the ability to become awake to be put into motion by the divine seed and the divine seed incidentally is in essence from its behind levels of course that which really takes place within the one, the indivisible so that both feminine and masculine, remember are portions of the one, the only, the crown they're not really that separate, nor can they be and it makes it difficult to attempt to talk about them as principles in separation because they cannot be separated when we relate them to the principles but we can when we go on to the levels where we are discussing the particular kind of consciousness and the quality, grade and level of consciousness that's expressed. At this point we can talk about these principles since we all contain them, every one of them, the masculine and the feminine.

As you've heard me say, we all have one, what is called one X chromosome, which we got from our mothers, every one of us, whether we are a male or whether we are a female. So we all have that, which comes from the feminine principle. And if we are a female, we got another X principle from our fathers. If we are a male, our fathers gave us what is called the Y principle. And those individuals who hate men say, well, the masculine Y, the Y principle is really a sort of crippled X, you know it lost a part of its X. You take away one part of the X and you have a Y. So we have those females, representatives of the feminine principle, who are in a state of rebellion against the fact that people call God He, etc., who take a great deal of pleasure pleasure in poking the ideas of this kind into the basic teachings that relate to physiology and the male-female aspects. Nevertheless, aside from the chuckles and the endeavors that come from minds that do not fully comprehend the creative principle of the Most High, let's examine what is involved in the cosmic mother aspect which all of us share whether we recognize it or not whether we are able to live up to it or not yet still we all share it let's try to see what it is to understand where we come from one of the most important questions that every single human being has to ask himself, not once but continuously, is, whence came I?

And ask yourself this question. Where did you come from? Whence came I?

Where did you come from? Where?

And how did you get wherever you are?

In what way?

How did you get there? Whether it was in a hospital or a house, whether it was in a hovel or a castle. I mean, what was the method?

Everybody.

Everybody knows that on one level you have but one answer. You can't get away from it. You just simply can't get away from it. And of course, those who come to see deeply, deeply, even if it's only with the most subtle portion of the intellect, have come to look upon this kind of seeing with the most extraordinary feeling of gratitude. As I said, no matter what our physical plane mother may seem or not seem, may be or not be, whether we think, oh, ye gods, so, you know, we used to say, what a bag, but now with our young people deciding that bag is a good thing to have, this is your bag or my bag. You know, sometimes it's difficult to use terminologies, they've changed their meanings. Nevertheless, the idea of bag is not a bad one in either, from either direction.

Because what we need to take a look at, incidentally, is the bag or purse that the fool carries over his shoulder.

And whether we recognize it consciously or not, that is one of the symbols, that bag, of the feminine principle, the feminine womb of the Most High.

You might say a peculiar position for it. Why not?

I mean, after all, we don't have to be fixated when we are thinking in terms of the creative consciousness. But that purse that the fool is carrying amongst other things because you see it's said to carry his memory and the memory is said to be carried by the feminine principle of deity sometimes and sometimes it's called subconsciousness and so we have that which is called which is related to his cosmic subconsciousness, universal subconsciousness, then we have that which can also be related to as our own immediate usage of this total subconsciousness. But remember, that holds memory in it. And it is consciousness. You see, when we use the word subconsciousness, we must not forget that we're talking about consciousness because there is none else. We give words.

Subconsciousness basically if you want to analyze it are aspects of the memory which were once very self-conscious otherwise how could they have become subconscious just think about that for a moment when we say something is only subconscious because we have to we cannot fully comprehend the miracle and mystery and wonder of the feminine principle therefore of the cosmic divine mother unless we think about that for a minute just think anything that is subconscious cannot have arrived at being subconscious except it was first self-conscious in other words you have a memory the only way you can have a memory is because you once had a self-conscious experience a conscious experience that made its record and became what we call subconscious.

We say, well, that is only instinctual knowing. What do we mean by instinctual knowing? It is another word we sometimes use for subconsciousness. But for example if nature and why we call it only instinctual I'll never understand but if nature knows how to grow in the womb of its earth and flower how to grow miracles how did it get to know how did it learn how to do this unless it had done it consciously consciously or self-consciously before it could have become enough of a habit so that you don't have to think before you learned how to do anything that you do automatically how did you learn to do it automatically except you first had to concentrate great attention of your consciousness to get to know how finally when you have concentrated enough of your attention on learning how to do it and how to do it the best way finally you were able to let automatic consciousness take over how when if those who drive didn't you have to pay strict conscious attention to every last little detail of your driving and watching until then you're very bad driver until you don't have to put that kind of attention on it anymore so that things are done automatically so that the conscious mind becomes free to take in and to keep safety as the primary factor in other words to love everybody and trust nobody and everything else to react instinctually you know my little joke when anyone drives a car love everybody and trust nobody because you don't know what they're going to do behind that wheel but if you're that attentive you're going to be safe because you're working with the divine principles and you're able to see what's going on but the only reason you can be that safe is because you learned how to drive so well that the instant of seeing and acting go on together almost simultaneously simultaneously how did whatever we call nature develop this kind of fantastic series of forms that we see in what we call evolution certainly there had to have been a fantastic amount of conscious attention given otherwise how could it be whatever we mean by mother nature's knowingness and who and what built your body and how was it built.

Indeed, was it built in the way you think it was?

Or was it and is it built via this mystery of what we call consciousness itself?

You know, when I was a little girl, a very little girl, I had the fantastic good fortune to have the kind of childhood that would be considered from every point of view about as hellish a childhood as a child wants to find on this earth.

And the kind of childhood I had was exactly the sort of thing that everyone would agree would be a holy horror. I had no one to love me. Now, you see, we always expect mother love.

From mothers. There are some manifested mothers who aren't very loving. Mine was one such. She was loving at times, but she was the opposite more often than not, because she was emotionally very sick, as is true of anyone who lacks love, incidentally. Now, I didn't have my mother's love. I didn't even have, I didn't, I certainly didn't have my stepmother's love, and I didn't even have the foster mother that's the one who I boarded with so you see I had a great many kinds of mothers more than the usual allotment of one and every one of them were about as no good as you as you want to think of and then multiply it and they're still even worse than that but we won't go into the stories from the usual points of view so I didn't have that I I also incidentally didn't have the father love certainly not on the physical plane or the mother love and I would toddle around from the time I could remember age two and first memory of it as a little before two and three and four and five and right on through the entire childhood and and as a small child I was very bewildered by this and I was certainly unhappy about it I can assure assure you, and I used to wonder about it and wonder why other children had mothers and fathers to love them, and I didn't. I wondered about it, and sometimes I wept over it, and very often I felt sorry for myself. I did a good job of pitying myself, and I had a right. I mean, believe me, I think that there are times when we have every right to pity ourselves, especially if we don't have anyone else that'll pity us adequately. Somebody has to. In any case, I went through all of that. Furthermore, I was so lacking in this attention from a mother that I had no one to say, look, you come and eat. Now, I didn't go hungry at that point. I've been hungry. Oh God, I've been hungry, but not at that point. The food was around, thank mother God. It was around, and if I didn't have sense enough to go to the icebox and pull out whatever appealed to me I picked some pretty extraordinary things you know I'd make meals of say banana and bananas and cake oh that was one of my passions and all sorts of things like that because I just took whatever I wanted whatever was around appealing to me well the point is nobody said it's time to eat you're hungry and when the weather was cold no one said put on your coat or button it not even when I was three and four years old because I remember it well if I didn't have sense enough to just say gosh I'm freezing and go hunting up the coat and then scream I need a coat you know nag enough about needing a coat until somehow I got one why I just you know I just didn't have one no but no one taught me anything as a matter of fact that was the extraordinary condition you know parents usually train you they teach you things and parents are marvelous things and people need them but I didn't have anyone even to train me in these things and I was well aware of it too I was aware that I lacked this no one even cared about seeing my report card when I started a school and started to get report cards since they didn't I just signed the name myself and turned it back in you know, it was just a simple matter if I went to school or not, nobody paid any attention one way or another, if I felt like playing hooky I just played hooky, and I did I'm sorry, no, I'm not sorry to say why should I be sorry? I got away with it laughter nobody really taught me to be honest my result was I did a few little excursions into stealing nobody taught me to stop it I taught myself I discovered it hurt somebody and that was it but you know I'm very glad nobody caught me though you know I'm glad I'm very grateful to the Mother God and Father God and all the angels for that I wasn't caught but my I just taught myself no that is not the way to go the point is that we have this blessing of being taught and trained for various things and I had the blessing of not being taught also the heartache and the utter utter loneliness furthermore I lived in the ghetto I want you to understand this is an important point I want to make I've been told you shouldn't tell people you lived in the ghetto it's bad, it gives an erroneous impression You know, the supreme chief of the order has to be beyond things like that.

You have to sort of think that she was raised in some never-never land that doesn't exist maybe in the great Himalayas or the highest point of a never-never land, but that isn't true. As Jesus walked the earth, a man, so does every human being walk the earth, a man, a a woman, an offspring of God, and we all had our backgrounds and conditions and situations. And I lived in the ghetto.

And furthermore, the ghetto I lived in was a very excellent ghetto. It had everything. Everything a ghetto is supposed to have, it had.

Including prostitutes, of which the son of one was one of my very dear little friends.

Nobody else would play with him, so I did and I knew exactly what her profession was but I didn't think it was as bad as everyone said because she was very kind and nice and gave me candy and cookies you know and after all that tells a lot doesn't it so you see so I just I said when I I lived in an area in which you have everything and incidentally it was a real melting pot too there were every nationality on the face of the earth lived there as well as an excellent mixture of races so that I had very many advantages although other people call them disadvantages don't they now then I used to weep over being alone though and lonely and having nobody to care and I used to do various meditations on it I believed in god and I used to pray and I had very lovely little rituals that I used and in my little rituals and in my prayers I used to ask God why I had no one to love me and I used to ask it every single night because it was part of my ritual I even used to ask God whether I was glad I was born you know, actually I was asking myself but I was asking God at the same time but the point is is, all through this, when I would get to the certain place in the ritual, many of you have heard this before, but I want to bring in a special other aspect of this particular experience that was so basic with me.

When I would get to special points of this meditation, these questions, I would become aware of this change of vibration that was taking place and coming towards me, and I would watch it consciously. This was always conscious I didn't have to fall asleep I never fell asleep for this I was always wide awake in this state of meditation way back at age five and six and seven and I would end in this certain point in my meditation within a specific range I would first notice the vibration coming towards me from an infinite somewhere it was infinite and it was from an angle curiously enough I found out later that our scientists talked about the fourth dimension being at angles to the three dimension it's rather interesting because I used this experience this vibration coming at right angles from my position whatever position I was in and the moment it hit my head I It would sweep through me entirely and I would instantly be in a different state of being.

I would instantly, when this happened, every single night, I was floating in the infinite, beginningless, endless consciousness.

And my darlings, it was and is consciousness. Consciousness. This consciousness had and has qualities, and these qualities, the ones that impressed me the most as I floated in it, and the floating was a through and throughness, incidentally, as well as an inness, if I can make myself clear, which I probably don't. Still I'm pointing towards an idea these qualities were the qualities that every mystic has pointed to when they speak about the state of samadhi because it was a state and is a state of samadhi that's what our eastern brethren call it this state of samadhi this essence, this substance had the qualities of peace love, bliss bliss. Now these are the quality states of this substance consciousness. And there I would float in waves and waves of rapture and love, security. Remember, peace is security. There was this serene, infinite security, this serene, infinite, ecstatic rapture of love the bliss was unspeakable peace love bliss and this nourished me and I when I would then from that state I would invariably go to sleep I never fell asleep from my self-conscious state I always fell asleep from the superconscious state finally and then wake up and then wait when I woke up in the morning I always knew the difference between which state and approximately what point I'd gone into sleeping with its dream states because I was very clearly able to make a demarcation in my mind between the states of waking the states of sleeping in which dreams occur and the state of super consciousness samadhi in which I floated every single night and the point that I want to make this time regarding this state is that I who kept saying why do I have no one to love me finally getting to the place where I met it was meditating my little ritual found myself not only being loved but immersed in this infinite cosmic love infinite and cosmic so that I who walked on the physical plane a little toddler with no one to even tell me when to go to sleep or when to get up where I was sent home from school because I had lice in my hair is that very unsupreme chiefish yeah and I was looked down upon by others for the teacher hated me because I wrecked the cleanliness record of her class all of these things were mine these conditions and situations where mice and rats and all sorts of things existed right with me I adored the mice very watch them play oh they're very adorable to watch little families of my playing you know and the point is there I lived in the ghetto and I lived in a magic fairyland because in my conscious hours whereas I toddled around in conditions where we can agree everybody ought to feel sorry for me because including myself and I did the truth of the matter is besides Besides those moments in which I was that miserable, I had other moments that were fantastically beyond anything that anybody I've ever known has had.

Because I used to watch the daylight come from the fire escape in, what do you call it, the hovel of hovels, and my heart was swept with the miracle of the mystery of the first dawn, the light. And I'd watch the milkman coming, and the milkman, incidentally, I'll give away this much in my neighborhood there were still horses going clunk, clunk, clunk with the milkman bringing a wagon with the milk to the grocery store and I listened to the magic of the clunk of the horse's hooves and I never heard more glorious cosmic music my heart would absolutely just tremble with the beauty of this as I watched the dawn, I listened to the first noises of the dawn and I'd be overcome with the miracle and the wonder of life beginning. Always life starting out from the darkness. And incidentally, before I went into my rituals at night, I always studied the stars, you know, and spoke to them and I had the whole sky mapped out with names.

Guess I was remembering from past incarnation that you give constellations names but not remembering what the names were I gave them my own rendition as a child the various constellations so I was swept and held in this miracle and in this mystery right there I used to toddle off to the park and spend hours in the park overcome with the miracle of life I used to toddle off to the the museums. When I played hooky, I actually, I did very excellently positive things, as you can see, when I did play hooky. And furthermore, there wasn't a book in the library that I didn't read. The librarian didn't know what to do with me. I'd read every single book there was in the children's section. She had to start taking books out of the other sections for me because I was so overcome come with the miracle of learning, of what's going on, of looking, of seeing. I used to watch people.

I used to walk into everybody's house and just sit silently, and I would watch their tears, and I would watch their heartache. I shared all of the most extraordinary things you can imagine, because no house was really close to me amongst my friends except across the street. Some Irish Roman Catholics somehow had been told by their parents that you mustn't have anything to do with anyone except Irish Roman Catholics and that was the only home which but I had a lot a lot of other lovely Roman Catholics and there were a couple of Irish Roman Catholics amongst them as well as Protestants and Jews we had blacks and Browns and yellows and greens and whites and all shades oh I tell you and I I marched around with them all and I learned many things from all these homes and I really had the most extraordinary kind of education directly from the Cosmic Mother.

This is the point I would like to make because though I cried out, I have nobody to love me.

Look at the love I was receiving during the night. I didn't realize this till way later. Why did I have such courage?

Why did I have such a stalwart, strong little spirit, a toddler like myself?

What told me? My cosmic mother told me when I should yell for a coat and put on a coat and when I'd better button it up. It was buttoned by my cosmic mother after all, wasn't it? And what about the beauty my cosmic mother taught me to find in areas where other people cannot see it because I found beauty there I looked at what today when I go to New York fills me with a nightmare I looked at those buildings thought my god what a miracle how beautiful they gray dingy tenements weren't gray to me they really were a translucent mystery and miracle to me they really work imagine being in such a state of delusion or was I in a state of cosmic knowing I assure you my darlings I was seeing because God was seeing through my eyes all through my childhood not that I was in this state all the time but this is the state that what looked and felt and experienced through me a very goodly percentage of the time and so I grew up without the usual kind of teaching training or knowing but I grew up with a love that no words can remotely describe being nurtured being cared for being guided in ways in mysteries beyond any kind of description I was everyone who heard me speak was aghast I a little child in the ghetto was aghast at my vocabulary because I was already at age eight and nine making the teachers sort of wonder what life was all about because I had a better grasp of the English language than most of them did and one of them confessed she had to go to the dictionary to fully comprehend my composition and remember I hated school but you can see then that sometimes we are gifted with a special condition why because the divine love the divine life is going is out to prove something and what is it out to prove It's out to prove that we are not as dependent on what we think the physical aspect is supposed to be as we think.

And when we blame physical plane conditions for the fact that we never studied or we never made anything of our lives because our mother was this to us or our father was that or my mother wasn't loving enough or my father hit me too hard, that is the most beautiful rationalization consciousness can give.

Because I myself have had it proved to me that what we need and what we have is God.

And if we have had or have a mother that has given us misery, and my physical mother gave me misery, I was able to look back and to say, Thank you, God, for that, because she was sick indeed and it was a beautiful test for me and I was able to look back and say for having been the womb that gave me the privilege of coming into this world to experience and learn the things I do I honor and love you even though you almost on the physical plane destroyed me and and I have been as proud of every beautiful thing in her as any human being could be. Because love, real mother love, is something all of us have, and we cannot be without it. Because your mother is the same mother as my mother, you see. There's only one mother, and that is that Divine Mother that I have been fortunate enough to know consciously and know consciously it is that divine soul your soul is that spark that is the spark of that divine soul you were given birth to by your cosmic mother because there is none else every single physical plane mother has been an agent an agent for the only mother there is your physical mother has been an agent for that in me which is the cosmic motherhood and you who have given birth to children have been the agents for the cosmic motherhood which is you and you whether you be male or female live and move and have your being inside this cosmic mother every single pain that you experience is nothing more nor less than the kind of beautiful training that your mother who loves you is giving you when my daughter bonnie was I wonder how old I dare go-to in this.

The point is, when she was 13 months old, an ailment I had had in which I was supposed to have died years before, and then there was a miracle, so I didn't, although everybody else seemed to around me later.

I had this miracle recovery where I stayed alive. Suddenly it returned when my baby was 13 months old and I was just then in the process of divorcing her father who I couldn't have changed my mind much about it anyway. He was so allergic to work that, I mean, there would have been no help there in any case.

So I found myself again being told by the doctors that I could drop dead any minute. Now this is literally what they said, that it could, any minute I could.

Suddenly have this situation hit which was part of that ailment and go and there I had a 13-month daughter a father who was absolutely nothing just an agent for the seed as far as I was concerned certainly nothing in the way of any of any family otherwise that could I couldn't trust her to and I thought oh my god is this poor child going to have to be raised without a mother and father father. Here I was so determined if I ever had a child, this child was at least going to have a mother and father. Now look, am I going to be placed in such a position? And yet it looked like she might. And I remember I did things with her that no good mother should do with a child. I really did. I made her learn how to put on her own shoes and socks, how to dress herself. I made her learn how to get her own food. She just used to have to pull up first this chair and then a little and then a stool in front of the chair so she could climb by steps to get to the closet to bring down little things when she was barely two. She went to the store when she was two years old with a slip of paper from me saying loaf of bread and whatever I figured she could manage to carry home. Things that you would never expect any good mother to let a child do and there were some people thought I was pretty horrible mother.

You know as lots of people think of god sometimes or our divine mother though they don't know that that's what they're thinking but what was it why did I do this I did this because I said I love this child I want this child to become as self-sufficient as she can possibly become so that there will be a better chance for her to survive in case I die which I might you know today tomorrow if I'm in this state of possible sudden death I've got to give her every opportunity to be able to survive well so that wherever she finds herself the more self-sufficiency she has the better chance she is going to have to survive as properly as possible so what was behind my doing these things it was love what do you think is behind the things that causes you problem the love of thy mother thy cosmic mother is behind what you think might be other situations or conditions a problem is there because your divine mother who loves and nurtures you every moment of eternity is teaching you how to become the ruler the self-sufficient offspring of the the most high so that always and always no matter what kind of situation or condition you have ever had no matter how sorrowful no matter how many tears have been shed the thing we all have to come to recognize is that every sorrow and every tear every bit of unhappiness and every bit of frustration has come out of the infinite love of the cosmic mother training us teaching us how to become the self-sufficient adults who are inheriting the kingdom the self-sufficient adults who are cosmic agents the divinely begotten so that we can undertake our rulership fully trained and to know that never a time we were born because we, whatever amount of births we have from whatever number of agents that the cosmic mother has, always there is only one place that we continue to be and that's inside this cosmic mind stuff that I have known and know so well.

This peace, love and bliss. This is what holds you whether you're conscious of it or not. The only difference between us is I was made conscious of it sooner because maybe I'm a little bit older.

Not physically, I refuse to admit that.

But there's the only difference between one child and another. So, my darlings, remember, you are safe in the infinite peace, love and bliss of your cosmic mother, whether you are aware of it or not you are never never going to die because you are part of that infinite livingness you are never alone you are never without this nurturing you are guided every step of the way live and love in this knowledge