Attainment on the Tree of Life - Class 4

We have been attempting to cover very briefly and in a concentrated manner the ideas of the One, the Unity, looking into itself, seeing the two aspects of itself as being masculine, feminine, positive, negative. I don't like the word someday God help me I'm going to manage to change it I usually prefer projective receptive for the two aspects of the masculine feminine side of the tree and the principles that are involved we have been considering the idea that cosmic father and that which Jesus of Nazareth that glorious Qabalist referred to as my father that this is shown on the tree of life as Hosma the masculine principle the right which heads the right hand pillar of the tree of life as you face it and that the mother principle you remember Jesus said who is my mother he was trying to show we perhaps got a very partial expression of what he really taught because please keep in mind he also said that to them I must speak in parables and then to his disciples but to you it is given to know the various things relating to the kingdom now then the mother aspect as I have tried to point out to you this refers to that left hand pillar as you look at it and don't think of the left hand path that you have read about in terms of theosophy in Qabalah we just do not have the same terminologies we use more the various terminologies that relate to the actual aspects of our own consciousness remembering please that you have to have two hands the right hand and the left hand you have to have the two lobes of the brain you have to have the right leg and the left leg this is the way we attain balance and grow and experience things therefore we have to think of the tree of life in its cosmic aspect as being a representation of the entire universe and therefore the larger manifestation of deity and in the smaller aspect this diagram should for you be representing what is called in Qabalah the microcosm that is the the expressions of the microcosmic aspects of deity which incidentally happens to be us most of you have heard me say many a time that we are the microscope of god we are the way deity sees knows and experiences the minute the detail most of you have heard me give give as an example the idea of the snowflake from a point of view that sees in one way only that is in a larger manner we have nothing but a lovely bit of white something falling down of course here in southern California we don't see it nevertheless uh it does exist it does take place in our mountains anyway and but when you put a microscope on this snowflake you find the most glorious designs they are exact they are symmetrical and they are always in terms of the hexagram the hexagram therefore is in qabalah although qabalah certainly didn't know from the scientific point of view that every snowflake would have the hexagram background for its shape nevertheless in Qabalah the hexagram is the cosmic aspect of life whereas the pentagram is the microcosmic or that is the human evolution or the human development of the cosmic law and the hexagram remember which is also called the Star of David is basically a representation of the interlacing of the masculine and feminine principles of God and as I pointed out to you and did very strongly I believe last Thursday night the interlacing of the masculine feminine aspects of God this actually represent the union of the masculine and feminine parts of deity and through this union we have what the manifestation of life the manifestation of the physical universe now that three the three aspects above the supernal triad as it is called in Qabalah this is said to be beyond and above the average human awareness this is true but remember this something may be beyond our awareness but it may still be there and be the actual essence of our consciousness things may be there which we are not able to be aware of as yet for example think of the plant is the plant aware of what is being done the various activities that involve human beings or other creatures it isn't unless it affects it directly nevertheless these activities are taking place around the plant and And in the same way, even though average human consciousness on the three-dimensional level cannot be aware of what we call the supernal triad, that is, the aheia, which is the divine name formula for the one, the I am, the beginning of the whirling, or the cosmic masculine principle, that is the divine fatherhood of God as such or the divine motherhood of God which we chant in formula as Elohim still even though we are not yet able to be aware of these as being the principles that are behind and are actually the projecting principle from which all of the universe and everything that exists has been projected still this is the reality that is around us and indeed that in lives us that permeates us it isn't something outside it has to be inside because nothing can be outside the tree of life in other words nothing can be outside the universe nothing can be outside the consciousness of God or it could not be so from the union of the cosmic masculine feminine aspects of deity you have the projection of what becomes a manifested universe and in Qabalah the next part of the tree of life that which is called the number four or Chesed it is the blue circle as you look upon it there on the tree on the right hand side this is called in Hebrew Chesed it has other names it has terminologies the divine formula is actually El which is the the divine name for that part of the projection of God but remember this this projection which we call the number four starts taking place from what is called across the abyss the three supernals are beyond the ability for average three-dimensional consciousness of man no matter how highly developed that man's mind may be it is beyond the awareness of man the experience of that part of deity though is possible but then it becomes something other than three-dimensional awareness in other words certain spiritual experiences come to us where we touch the cosmic father where we touch the cosmic mother or where we become immersed in the cosmic father and or the cosmic mother and or both depending on the type of experience or the part of us that is stimulated and is having this particular awakening also there are times when we become immersed in the actual union of the father and the mother and this is when we know love this is when we know love now then what is love well you know philosophers and poets have all tried to describe it each in their own way what is love as a matter of fact surely we know that love is as many things as we have people to try to interpret it but what is love actually the first manifestation from across the abyss of these tremendous abstract principles of the divine father-mother unity from which all things spring in Qabalah it is called Gdula that's one of its many names which means love it also means mercy and you see mercy is what's written on that particular Sephirah and Sephirah remember means an emanation you know like an emanation of light from the Sun a ray of light it never separates from the Sun that that light to go on into eternity, but it cannot be separated from its source, can it?

Or it would cease being light or a ray. And in the same way, this projection, this light, this gedula, this love, as it is called, is also attributed to the function of memory.

Now, I know modern science, and those of you who say, oh, forget modern science, let's have occultism no I will not we've got to learn to correlate the above and the below we have got to learn to utilize the mind and the discriminatory faculties or we will get lost in by paths we will become lost in all sorts of illusions and delusions we must keep ourselves focused and centered and rooted and so we have to keep ourselves you might say but in both the above and the below at the same time and learn how to scan the difference by expanding our consciousness so the function of memory is attributed to that part of the tree of life and that part of consciousness which starts as a matter of fact the actual individualized part of consciousness you couldn't you cannot have anything like individualization until there is this projection from across the abyss and memory is a very interesting attribution because think for a moment let's see it in the way in the ways that we are accustomed to see it. Let's go back to the analogy I love to use so often. What occurs when the female ovum is stirred into life by the masculine sperm, that masculine spot? What occurs?

Actually the meeting of the two brings about what the union of the masculine and feminine principle and because of this union you have a growth process that starts taking place whether it be in a plant or an animal or a man or of course in this case you might say in a woman wouldn't you but we're talking about man in terms of the genetic species at the moment what happens then the division the multiplication which is really by division remember nothing is really added from any outside by dividing and dividing some more and dividing some more we have something grow into something larger that's illogical isn't it but that's how it happens the development of a form takes place through division and every single cell divides organizes itself into a social unit divides some more until finally you have these many trillions of cells all functioning in an organized manner but But what has happened?

Every single step of the way of the development of that first spark of the masculine and feminine principle coming together has been a recapitulation of the memory of the consciousness of God. Some people say, well, that's just nature. Are you going to separate nature from God?

In that case, you are trying to worship idols, aren't you? You're trying to say that something is separate from deity or God and what would make a growth process take place with an organization that goes through very special fields of form everything exactly as it must be memory memory only memory can do it when you have learned how to do something easily then you do it rapidly haven't you tried to learn how to do various things you've forgotten perhaps how you were when you first learned how to write how carefully and laboriously you had to trace out every letter but little by little it became what a habit pattern why because memory was there and as memory became accustomed to the repetitive act you had something that could happen easily it's like people who can type if you can really type you don't have to think of each key on that typewriter if you do it's like that story I love to tell I don't know how true it is but you know the centipede when asked pray which leg comes after which and trying to figure it out it fell fell on its back and couldn't move at all. It lost its subconscious memory of how to do this, you see.

It tried to take away from the subconscious realm, which is what? Memory that has learned how to do a thing a special way, and it has learned it because it has done it over and over again.

Therefore, the recapitulation of the growth of any creature in the womb of the mother or in any, in whatever passes for the womb when we think of the plant life is really a recapitulation of memory and therefore the more highly evolved the creature the longer a recapitulation in a sense and the faster it becomes to begin with it's slow and it's laborious finally you become a man you become a woman and the growing of your vehicle that is the dividing of cells and multiplying dividing of cells and multiplying that is by bringing them together in their division this is done without thinking consciously about it anymore because you've learned how to do it those of you who drive cars if you start thinking about your gears and your and your brakes and all these various things consciously you've become like you were when you first learned how to drive wouldn't you it's only as you can put things into your subconscious uh area that you can free your consciousness then for taking in other types of experience more fully and all of evolution then is involved with the memory of god now your personal memory or the memory of your dog or cat or the bird or the plant is not separate from the memory of God is it again I say to you if you want to separate it you're trying to say that something is outside of deity then how could it have come about everything has to be inside or it couldn't be because there can be nothing outside of God there can be nothing outside of the creative principle of life all of space really is what it's merely consciousness imagining an area in which it is growing its own forms of thought and knowledge and awareness all right then memory you think you may some of you thinking what's this got to do with love everything don't forget every one of you came about through an act of love and some of you may say oh but my mother and father did not love each other well there are different levels aren't there and an act of love can be taking place from a cosmic level even though the personal level hasn't caught up with it and therefore they may think I hate you nevertheless the creation of a new center of an area for the expression and growth of an aspect of God takes place and in Qabalah we say nothing can take place except in and through the knowledge of God you know not a feather can be plucked not a hair of the head to fall fall without the knowledge of deity if deity is the one that has planned organized and is growing its own center how else could it be the point is that memory as an attribution of the fourth Sephirah or emanation of god which is actually the beginning of manifestation really brings in two manifestations that which was originally intended it is the first result of love now love is something we've got to try to understand together here I cannot begin to tell you how often I have sat and listened to the most wonderful adorable human beings talk about love and say things like well of course I've decided to just give up uh personal love what I want is divine love or well I've decided that the lone the life of aloneness is for me the life of a hermit because I want to put all my consciousness on my aspiration and I don't want it diverted or things like you cannot give all of yourself to another human being because they let you down how often have you said that to yourself you cannot give all of yourself to another human being they will let you down or they will try to destroy you or they will not understand I have heard these things said many and many a time indeed and of course it is quite true you want to avoid being hurt at the stage of your evolution be careful do not love I agree with you just do not love and you won't be hurt in that way but then what will your life be like what will it be like think for a moment Think. What will be sparking you? How blue will the sky be? Will your heart lift because of the beauty of a bird? You think it would? Try it. I hope most of you have already tried it and have found out. You remember Khalil Gibran's statements about love in the Prophet? A lovely little book. If you haven't read it I recommend you have it for something by your bedside and think of it as highly as you would the Bible and almost as highly as you would the book of tokens I do I recommend this seriously what he had to say about love is that if you would avoid the pain certainly you can but you will be passing out of the life's threshing ground you will also avoid the heights because you will be avoiding the depths and so what will you be avoiding you will be avoiding evolution you will be avoiding growth you see the trouble is because we're so young and immature in certain areas because of course we want to avoid pain look I'll confess I'll avoid it any chance I can get and I'll work even twice as hard at trying to help my loved ones to avoid it but of course God interferes with me and my loved ones have grown in spite of me because when we love we try to save our loved ones from pain this is part of what love is when it hasn't seen a little more deeply of course nevertheless we have developed certain ideas about love indeed and we think we have become so smart when we say well I'm beyond personal love for example all I want is love of God we've read about these things many people have written books on it we've had reports from people who have claimed that they have experienced magnificent heights and that they are no more subject to this lowly level of response you know that lowly human response of loving another person except in the abstract of course you have to love everybody you understand they tell you and of course what you have to love first is God well let me tell you something here comes a few shocks and I intend to shock you very seriously incidentally because I intend to bring more love into this universe and if you don't want to love or if you're a fear but at least I'll say well God by God I did my best the point is every human being after all on the evolutionary scale as well as any other living creature has what it has a certain capacity for living some of us have a cup full of livingness some of us have a quart full some a gallon full some of us more maybe there are some who have an ocean full of livingness now what do you think makes the difference if you want to be satisfied with a cupful or quartful of livingness that's your concern but if you want to attain cosmic love if you want to know what real evolution is in Qabalah there can be no question about what it is and as far as I'm concerned I've tested and tried it and it's true evolution life and love are all synonymous those who decide they're going to be smart and save themselves from being hurt by not loving personally are outsmarting themselves very fortunately life will not let them remain there too long they might manage few incarnations but you see if you're not willing to grow in and through and with love then you it isn't that you're going to avoid growth what will happen is that you're going to be forced to your knees your cup of consciousness will be deepened in the fires of hell of your own consciousness of course because you will find yourself so utterly alone god forbid so lonely god forbid big you will find yourself really alone in a way that will make everything empty all of us know that when we have someone to share a little piece of God's beauty with it becomes infinitely enhanced when we have just one someone to share it with some of us may be able to go into raptures alone over many things and this is good but there comes a time when all these raptures and beauties will become meaningless unless we can share them with someone, with something. Because God is a unity even though we are separate aspects of evolution. We are not separate in our inner beingness, in our inner essence. And so love, as such, actually has to do with an awareness of the unity of one being with another. And this awareness cannot come I repeat it cannot come if you lock away the personal how could it because isn't the whole idea of attaining cosmic consciousness the bringing in of certain enlarged or cosmic awarenesses into the individualized personalized aspect of deity which happens to be each and every one of us in Qabalah we have to bring God the awareness of God the awareness of love into our everyday life and thoughts and emotions and unless we're working on that we are working on escapism I remember how very charmed I was with the Buddhist philosophy when I first became immersed in it in my very young days let's see I was only 21 22 really yeah too bad I'm getting old 22 already I became when I became immersed in Buddhism that's when I was very much younger you understand then I remember also how wise it sounded to me the whole idea of experiencing the divine consciousness although they didn't call it that but getting the you know what out of this illusion delusion and snare getting away from it and getting into samadhi or nirvana and so the idea of working to get up and away and into this appealed to me because as far as I was concerned whoever this world belonged to he could have it back or she or it and all other conditions that existed I didn't I would just as soon have no part of it as buddhism said life was pain I couldn't agree with them more in fact I was very much more intense about it than any Buddhist could ever be and I was quite appalled at the idea of being trapped into extra incarnations. Oh God, talk about hell. I mean this sounded like the most terrible thing I could imagine. So yeah, get out of it. That's the spirit. Well I tell you I really we got to work to test out a few of these theories see the thing that got in my way though actually though I didn't realize it then was that when I was a child I was immersed in cosmic love every single night of my life and the soul doesn't forget now memory is not in the brain please bear this in mind on the tree of life malchus is the brain consciousness the physical universe memory is not there if something happens to the injury of the brain and a person can't remember that doesn't mean that they've lost memory what they've lost is an instrument that can register it while we are focused and concentrated in this particular sphere of expression just like you can be a fine musician but let a note go out because our Marjorie is found out with this organ she's a very fine musician but when that when something breaks down in that organ she can play one note and it'll go as far as could be it won't play at all but it isn't her fault it's the instrument and so the brain certainly is an instrument for registering experience but it isn't the memory the memory is the part of the higher mind and in Qabalah the higher mind is involved with those three sefiris that are immediately below the supernal triad you can see there are reflections like in a lake or in water and your higher mind is something that is actually the real and eternal part of your individuality it is actually your individuality as such the yellow circle there is the Christ part of you called in Qabalah the Mashiach the Redeemer and this is really becoming aware of yourself as being the child of the Most High you know when Jesus said my father and I are one it was his awareness of those paths and connections well the same is is true of us but some of us don't know it yet that's the difference the only difference all right then the love aspects of memory that have to do with the cosmic intention they have to do the love aspects of memory they have to do with the realization that we We recapitulate everything that we have done because each time we do it, you see, we become better like a typist or skating or learning how to walk or write or talk.

Repetition makes us better and memory is what's involved with developing this really natural and rapid capacity so that we can go in for further growth. Now love is involved in remembering who and what we are love is involved with that if you think that you are just a separate creature all on your own you know out to get up to Samadhi or Nirvana or cosmic consciousness and to get away from all this pain and misery and certainly to get away from all these people and if you've decided that you're spiritual because you're not going to let yourself get immersed or involved with these terrible people and if you think that you're a spiritual being because you have reached that high realization that love cannot exist anywhere except in love of God as I said to you before you're going to have some terrible shock and you're going to hold yourself into in incarnations for far longer than is necessary because the truth of the matter is that the capacity to love is completely involved with at least an intuitive knowledge even if we cannot remember in the way that our three-dimensional consciousness thinks of memory but remember intuition has to do with memory it remembers in its higher consciousness even though the brain expression of the consciousness may not be able to register those waves or levels of vibration so that knowing who and what we are intuitively that is knowing that we are one with the creative principle of life or God this is what gives us the capacity to love and it gives it to us because in knowing that we also know that everyone else and everything else is also of in from and with deity or god now people get all confused with desire and love now desire is an expression of emptiness in other words desire which I will talk about far more fully when we get to that sefiroth it's the green and a circle on the tree of life and it's directly below it's really an expression from the memory aspect of God the mercy aspect of God incidentally which is in you desire as such is reaching out to fill in an empty hole in the heart in the consciousness what we desire is that which we think or feel we haven't got now we may have it but if we think we haven't we're going to go out and try to fill it and this is what desire is and the way we reach out to try to fulfill our desires is in accordance with the evolutionary age of our souls so that the younger souls will attempt to fulfill desire in one way the older souls in another nevertheless desire is mistaken for love over and over again but in actuality desire is in a way an offshoot of love in other words if love is pushing us towards evolution which love is then what occurs is that something within us desires desires the experience it needs to deepen its cup of capacity to love.

So that desire is used by our consciousness, by our soul, by our higher soul, to grow us.

Now those who try to tell you to kill out desire are just trying to tell you to kill the gasoline that runs the motor. And then you know how far you'll get.

You'll stall and you'll stay stalled because gasoline is that energy now but love love is something that cannot be described in the usual terms but I'm going to try to give you examples because all of you have loved whether you have been willing to recognize it or not all of you can love and all of you need to understand just what place love has in your life if you wish to attain to that which you aspire to. Love is actually really in essence the unity of God that's what it is love is the unity of God every time we experience love we are experiencing the unity of God whether we know it consciously yet or not every time we feel a wash of love for another we are experiencing the unity of God whether we know it consciously or not what is it that love has a need to do love always has a need to express itself in some way or other to the beloved love has a need to nurture the beloved of course you have people who are egomaniacs and who are immature insecure and and they want another individual completely dependent on them and they'll call it love in other words they want somebody else to be happy only if they're the ones who're going to give it to them and they call this love this is all right for that level or stage but the point is love has a need to give of itself and therefore this particular part of the Tree of Life is called the self-importation of deity in other words your capacity to feel any kind of of unity your capacity to have any awareness at all is a self-importation of divine consciousness because look if you're looking at these flowers what is really occurring there has been a self impartation that is a giving to you of vibrations which you have been able to receive and react to so you are looking at some beautiful color and beautiful forms that comes from New Zealand by the way not direct indirect I read and the fact that you are able to be aware of the color and the form of this flower is actually an expression of the love of God in other words your awareness your ability to be aware your ability to react to any kind of beauty the depth of your consciousness has to do with the depth of your love or ability and capacity to love now how does capacity to love grow it grows in only one way by being willing to love by being willing to love but how many of us are willing to love some of the so-called finest marriages are a hope you know that a man and a woman who both decided they're not going to trust anybody they should take a chance on getting hurt but they'll keep a part of their consciousness nicely locked away they're not going to give all of themselves because that belongs to god and if it belongs to god it would be very wrong to give it to somebody else and they say to themselves how many times have you said it consciously I hate to tell you how many times you say it to yourself unconsciously I'm just asking you how many times have you said this to yourself consciously and the thinking whether it's conscious or unconscious or subconscious in essence goes something like this well after all we're supposed to learn from experience now we're supposed to learn that other people aren't remotely able to know us understand us feel us accept us and if we attempt to give all of ourselves to somebody else then we deserve to get hurt isn't that what we say incidentally that sounds good sounds marvelous the point is it the one error we make when we say this to ourselves is that we have made it so general now it is true if for example we have certain unresolved problems in our emotions from past karmic experiences it's true we will have gotten into a memory habit pattern subconsciously and so we will find ourselves attracted to the various individuals who are not capable of receiving the kind of love we want to give but the point is we pick people on a subconscious level who will be sure to make us very miserable indeed or just slightly miserable we will choose people who will not understand us actually it's because we didn't understand them we will choose people who will betray us actually because we are betraying our own hearts and minds in a sense we are determined to stay within certain areas of unhappy experiences not consciously mind you but because of getting stuck in a rut in a record in a pattern you know how tied we get to these various patterns also we will pick people who will injure us or hurt us for the projection of our love who aren't capable of even remotely responding to our love or accepting it because we want to make sure we don't have to take on the responsibility of a relationship and do you know that a great deal of our erroneous choices happens to be because we don't really want the full responsibility of a full relationship and we don't know it consciously and why don't we want the full responsibility for a full relationship because we do not feel in our the deeper parts of our heart that we want are able to give it we don't want to make ourselves vulnerable I'd hate to tell you how many people have spoken to me about this vulnerability and how many people have looked at me in years gone by and perhaps even in the present definitely even in the present and have spoken about this aspect this being vulnerable if one is willing to love fully and my answer has been this unless we are able and willing to risk the climbing of a mountain we'll never get to the mountaintop unless we're able and willing to risk the traffic we're not going to get across the street unless we're able and willing to risk the repercussions of bad judgment and lack of discrimination in the relationship areas of our lives we are not going to grow into the capacity to know what is more akin to us for full relationship furthermore we will not be growing ourselves into a capacity for it people keep screaming I want love but how can you have whatever your concept is of the perfect love unless you know how to love we attract to ourselves what we are now you'll say oh then how come that I was treated with such injustice how come he or she was unfaithful to me how come he or she walked out on me how come he or she treated me so brutally I was kind I was thoughtful I was giving my all really maybe one side was but another side of the nature was definitely hitting one of those repetitive patterns because the subconsciousness loves drama and the subconsciousness discovers that when we can say oh what an unhappy life I've had I mean this is much more interesting to others how often have you decided to tell people all about the unhappy experiences of your lives in order to make them like you you figured then they'd find you so fascinating you know the mysterious sad it's a lack of awareness and this awareness doesn't come unless we get knocked down over and over just like walking doesn't come until we fall over and over again so that very often it's just a lack of understanding of the principles of relationships that make us on the subconscious level deliberately choose the things that will keep us miserable because of erroneous patterns or immature patterns that we have not yet come to recognize and therefore outgrow.

And we outgrow them only if we keep inviting them over and over again so that we can look the devil in the face.

Can't you see that?

Therefore, if you aspire to union with God, for example, true union with God there are a lot of delusionary experiences that passes that if you aspire to know what true cosmic love is and if you don't now you're going to sooner or later why not now then please realize this how can you remotely hope to know cosmic love until you are able to love as a human being how how can you and how are you going to learn how to love as a human being how are you going how are you going to deepen the capacity for loving how are you going to understand what love is and is not unless you're willing to get out there and risk yourself that is unless you're willing to get out there and take the bruises or the pain and say well there I was again I was wrong that was a bad that certainly was bad judgment I didn't show discrimination here I didn't notice that characteristic there I hope next time never say I know next time incidentally that's murder always just hope I hope that next time I will become aware of these factors a little more rapidly and therefore will make better choices also I hope that my own response has not only deepened my discrimination but deepen my cup of lovingness so that I will start attracting magnetically the quality how do you expect quality unless you are quality of course the trouble is most of us secretly figure we are quality and the other person who isn't that's where all the problems come in if only the other people had the quality too right there then we wouldn't have any more problems would we the point is they usually reflect us the truth is that some of the sweetest people will find themselves acting like you know what because of an individual forcing that from them in other words we are not separate beings we are telepathically in communion and we may we are capable of reacting like angels in certain situations and like devils and others and I'm sure I hope every one of you have found at least sometime or other that like a virus an epidemic somebody's emotions have been so strong I hope you've all had some such experience that you've seen yourself reacting in ways that are not usually natural with you and incidentally when you have done this if you've watched it you haven't watched and you'll discover it it will develop in you the kind of humility that gives you a greater capacity to love and therefore to be loved to love and therefore to be loved loving is all that has any meaning in actuality but what love is is something so few of us know some of us get an erroneous idea that love means being sort of wishy-washy like a Pollyanna at where everybody is well after all this is a divine soul after all this is a child of God and they go around with this false front jabbering love and let me tell you if that person really loved they wouldn't be well after all this child is a divine expression of God they'd have more feeling now feeling is not the same as neurotic emotionalism deep feeling and neurotic emotionalism are sometimes thought of as representing each other by people and they don't we have to see the difference we have to know what depth of response to another human being is as against this wild neurotic emotionalism that just loves the dramatic scenes and if they're not around they'll make them you know they'll get the people will often get into trouble just so they can have some good wild neurotic scenes and get them be the center of the state like a child children having tantrums we get a little bit more subtle about it that is but it isn't subtle to those who look at consciousness to those who can see all these different vibratory emanations and the elements behind them but my darling the point I want to make and I want to make it as strongly as I possibly can is this if you have not yet learned how to choose a love object with discrimination you are going to stop your growth if you decide that you're just going to be intelligent and spiritual and love only God because it cannot be it isn't that way your capacity to love God is exactly coordinated with your capacity to love personally those who say you've got to love but with detachment are mouthing words that are meaningless they are meaningless how can detachment and love be thought of as having the same meaning think of it what is detachment detachment is to detach from it's separate isn't it loving is not separate I ought to know about these things because I have had some very extraordinary experiences, illuminations hellish and heavenly and I wouldn't be without any of them I have them now heavenly and hellish how can I avoid it?

I don't wish to this is the difference I do not wish to avoid it because when the heart is not in a state of love life is empty no music plays for the ears with rapture if the heart is not in a state of love no color inflames the heart with magic and miracle if the heart is not in a state of love haven't you noticed at times when you had been in love and then you've been hurt and it was a breaking down period most of you haven't you walked and found that though you knew in an objective way that beauty was around you you couldn't feel it haven't you all had that beauty is there and I cannot feel it. Is there anyone here who has not had that? That emptiness? It's like a death. It is death. Walking death. Beauty around us, we cannot feel it. Why? Because the heart at the moment has lost its object to love another human being and until it manages to relate itself to love again it cannot experience beauty it cannot how could it no matter how much you may concentrate and I want to love God only as you are able to love other human beings I don't mean necessarily man woman husband wife loving other human beings though means loving human beings if you try to cut off one kind from yourself and you say well I'll love my sister and I'll love my friend but I won't love a man or and or I won't love a woman I mean you see you're locking away and of course the minute you lock that away you're locking away the very gasoline that feeds the whole engine your willingness to love really has to do with your willingness to evolve whether you recognize it consciously or not and as I pointed out to you before your willingness to love means that you are willing to accept the pain if it should come though I would advise you to stop being sentimental when you hear a sad song of oh my love is gone is gone where can it be because you're just feeding an image if you're going to give you that experience you know that's what we do the point is when you become willing to be happy it's only because you've become willing to love even there it's practically synonymous you can be suffering tremendous pain because of capacity to love yet if it doesn't stop you from the ability to love you will be able to experience the joy the glory of others to know love for another human being in its deepest sense is the real secret of experiencing the cosmic and universal love that expands outward haven't you noticed I hope everyone has been in love at least once but haven't you noticed when you were in love that you loved everybody you know that all the world loves a lover the emanations that go out the happiness that tingles the radiance have you noticed how the face even people who are materialists even people who are materialists talk about the glow that they see in people who happen to be in love at the moment although usually they say huh doesn't last long actually there's a secret to make it last in my next course when I give you the class course on polarity if you're good little girls and boys or even if you're bad little girls and boys I hope I'll be able to get that secret across to you there's a way to keep it to keep it alive and make it even more miraculous rather than less but it doesn't it cannot become that until and unless we get to understand love and become willing to love no matter what is going to happen and incidentally that doesn't mean that we start feeding negative images and say oh I'm willing to love you know with the idea in the back of your mind that after all you're going to go into some terrible unhappiness now you see this is not the idea at all when when I had one time more than once but this particular time I had a very extreme experience of rejection which seemed to me to sort of be a little more than anyone should have to take really I thought God was getting a little I was sort of running away with himself or herself itself and I was quite quite disturbed about about the situation indeed because it had been a repeat pattern I'd had all through my childhood from the day I was born I was rejected by everybody you know they I was told I shouldn't tell personal things to classes I should be the mysterious figure but I feel that where certain of my personal experiences will help you if I can't be mysterious we'll just have to make the best of it in any case I had this consistent rejection from the day I was born where actually I went through the extraordinary condition of having absolutely no love at all this may sound strange to you but it is true absolutely none in any area and I just marched all over the place hunting for it yearning for it but I certainly didn't receive it from any human being however I was very fortunate in that I was immersed in this cosmic love of Bina the the principle we took up last week cosmic mother I was immersed and floated in this every single night through my entire childhood up until puberty and indeed this is the only reason I survived that extraordinary childhood now the point is usually of course when children are subjected to this rejection and not having actual love in their environment it will destroy their capacity to love if they had it because you see children learn by identifying with their surroundings and by identifying with their surroundings they start learning how to express the different facets of their nature I didn't have that but you know I was a very cunning soul I loved books I was a bookworm until I identified with the various books that appealed to me you know you have heroes and heroines and even there as you can see even if you haven't got a thing on the physical plane you have it in your consciousness if your soul has gotten to the point where it knows how and my soul apparently knew how because I was just determined come hell or high water I was going to love and nobody could stop me it sounds a little insane but I believe in this kind of insanity I hope more of us will develop it because I know what riches it brings at any rate I did have a pattern though one doesn't get away scot-free from such habit patterns and I did have a pattern of expectation on a subconscious level which brought quite a few rejections and I don't approve of them incidentally. The experience I had actually involved my little dog so yeah some of you may perhaps most of you have seen her beautiful picture as you can see and well she's the most beautiful dog God ever made except yours of course and after an experience of rejection of that kind I will never forget the thing that occurred then because it was a whole question of love again came back each on another arc on another arc a higher arc and here again this whole idea of rejection something deep inside of me refused absolutely refused to accept the things I had read in so many books I was immersed in the realization that if I should give up being willing to love another human being I would be committing spiritual suicide if I decided to protect myself from being hurt I would be stopping everything that meant everything to me the capacity to be to do to grow and therefore to project to others I realized it intuitively but it had not yet become sharpened in my consciousness at the time and I recall how poignantly I broke down in my emotions at the time and actually I started to have quite in a way you might say an argument with God about this particular situation when suddenly just out of every where-ness so this love essence came back and although I had had experiences of cosmic consciousness many times already in occultism this was something special because I was back to the cosmic love aspect in a different way I immediately recognized part of the experience and yet I saw another level had become open to me and this immersion of the cosmic love the everywhereness incidentally it entered into me it permeated through me there wasn't a single hair a single pore a single atom that wasn't being bathed and held and I'll tell you something that may shock you I was not charmed because this love cosmic beautiful rapturous it was rapture it was still impersonal and I started to fight I really started to fight I started to fight with the deity the life power the principle I said all right so I'm experiencing cosmic love so all right so it's immersing me but it's impersonal damn it it's impersonal here's my spiritual language and I want personal love personal love now this sounds unspiritual to you doesn't it you have read so much and heard so much about just love god and and stop hunting for your love with people so you see I wonder how many will drive away this week but this was the way I felt and I felt it with a profound intensity beyond anything I can describe and then my little dog came over to love me and sympathize and immersed as I was in this state of cosmic love I looked at my little dog and I saw my little dog now I was mad about her to begin with and that was bad enough but this extra quality was there that was even more extreme intense and I looked at my little dog with this essence in me through me because incidentally no matter how I thought I ordered it out and everything it wouldn't listen to me at all you know God just won't listen to us it's lucky but I was treated just as though I was just a child in the tantrum and this love essence had me was gonna stay in there and that was that so I looked at my little dog who came to love me and I saw her completely differently I looked into I thought that she was most beautiful thing in the world but she suddenly became the most beautiful thing in any universe that was ever created was now or ever would be you know it's just a slight extension the the the depth of her eyes the the glimmer of every little bit of her fur it took on a quality I saw God in every every little bit of her from the tip of her tail to the top of her head every little aspect glimmered and shimmered with light and with glory and with beauty and She was sort of kissing me and cuddling she knew I was so unhappy I was weeping away on spiritually you might think and as as this experience came my seeing her in this new way I was suddenly hit I tell you talk about a realization of fantastic magnitude this was it had to do with what love what I realized was that I had been too busily trying to get love because of the pattern of emptiness as a child on the physical plane I've had it virtually but not physically I had been so busily trying to get love that I was forever broadcasting an image get that means you haven't got I'm a powerful being so I kept having the not getting you see the idea the rejection that getting caught in a pattern you see how subtle these things could be because my consciousness was reaching out to get I was actually telling my subconsciousness that I'm empty of it I haven't got it I want it and the result was I kept being made empty thinking I have and losing thinking I have and losing and this thing hit me with the most fantastic force along with that I looked at my little dog and I thought again because this awareness was in every atom of my being and beyond I said to myself I love my dog of course how do I love my dog do I fuss at my dog because she is jealous God is she jealous Penurius she's dingy you should see what she did with her balls she'd have a nervous breakdown if any other dog came along to get her her bone oh she was cunning and she no matter how much I fed her she'd knock over garbage cans I'd try to give her filet mignon she'd stick her nose up and she'd go off and make a mess I mean I tell you she was just her character was most reprehensible very reprehensible indeed and I just adored every little reprehensible part of her she was so charming she was so alert she was a cosmic entertainment her emanations were just rich with glory and beauty and I said to myself my god I know how to love a dog and I don't even know how to love a human being this is fantastic fantastic and I thought what do I expect from my dog do I expect her to be grateful she drove me crazy the things I'd have to do for her the trouble I'd have with my neighbors you have no idea she's very mysterious the things she damaged whoo I'd hate to tell you but I wouldn't have given her up for anything on the God's green earth what they'd have had to fight me and tell you over my dead body I loved that little dog I do still even though she's now not in a physical vehicle but I had this tremendous realization I knew how to love a little dog I knew how to love a little cat I knew how to love a little creature I didn't know how to love a human being and then I thought oh well wait wait I'm not that bad there's my sister my sister I know how to love my sister and I started to think a while but yes I decided I'm not quite that bad I have just the same type of feeling for my sister I thought that God was very clever to create her and I was very pleased with the whole situation there wasn't anything that she wanted if it was my power to give her I wouldn't do for her even her faults were charming as if I my little sadis because they were her in other words I was grateful for her livingness for the fact that she was living this and I thought yes there is one human being I have loved properly most the time well you know after all we're a little human but that's when I had the realization that one cannot remotely experience in life the things that one must in time until one knows not only what love is but one is going to get out there and learn how to love and be loved just like you can't get to that mountaintop unless you're willing to get you to go through the discomfort of taking a bad step or stumbling over a stone and so on which we will do I realized this and let me tell you this whole experience was not just a one-day thing for several weeks I was alone I saw no human being at all I was immersed in these realizations that came fast and furious about love immersed in it and I came out of this experience with this realization that's the one thing I had to do and concentrate on beyond all things was to teach myself every fiber of my being how to love and to forget about being loved let that take care of itself the great joy in life is being able to love to the degree we have the capacity to love to that degree in our hearts washed with glory and so I started to practice loving incidentally and incidentally the practice to practice loving I first also had to realize all the things that I was and I experienced every part of my being through the memory of that particular part of this affair I'm talking about I experienced the full memory of my whole evolutionary line of beingness not in its detail but in its principles that had brought me to that point and memory and love remember that I told you how you cannot really separate them in essence I experienced that full line of my own self evolution and knew it was true of all I saw myself I saw that every single man behind prison bars was my brother I saw every crouching vile thing of my brother or sister I saw every evil as being that which was part of me.

I saw every good as that which I was and was growing towards.